Norman McFinger III: Revenge of the Finger

Norman McFinger III: Revenge of the Finger is the third and latest instalment of the Norman McFinger book series. It follows 'Norman McFinger II: The Adventure Continues' and completes the Norman McFinger trilogy. The book follows Norman McFinger and the McFinger family, with many new characters and the returning Lionel.

"The third volume of the Norman McFinger collection. An alphabet collector has a party that goes terribly wrong, and an evil demon spirit murders a guest. Norman finds himself in the middle of a maze-like funeral parlour. He then travels to Jupiter and meets its ogre ruler. Norman's uncle comes to his house and accidentally murders a cat. Read the highly-anticipated latest addition to the Norman McFinger book series in 'Norman McFinger III: Revenge of the Finger'."

- Books, Norman McFinger Official Website

Chapters

 * 1) Darren's Fruit
 * 2) Mourn, Stub, Repeat
 * 3) Stalking Jews On Jupiter
 * 4) Mr Seaman

Plot
Norman McFinger wakes up and finds a leak of radiation poisoning in his kitchen. He talks about Time and Lionel and their associate Darren, who is an alphabet collector. With one letter left in her collection of the Fruit Alphabet, she is on a quest to find the Last Plum. After two million weeks of busking on the streets with her violin, Darren became a millionaire. To celebrate, she threw a party with Lionel and Time. A dispute between Lionel and the fruit caterer they hired, Tymothi, ensues after the former becomes jealous of the latter's intimate relationship with his name badge wife, Smulp. After kicking his head in, the fruit caterer accidentally releases Lionel's heart muscles and kills Smulp. Her evil spirit, named Veronica, kills her husband as a warning to the partygoers who were teasing her for ruining the event.

Norman then goes to attend Tymothi's funeral, as they were mutual friends, but becomes stuck in the confusing halls of the funeral parlour. He meets the parlour's Norwegian hall guardian, Ølasodurf, who tries to fight him after waking him up, but instantly injures himself. Norman brings the dying Ølasodurf along with him for his walk against his own will. In a struggle to find his way to the funeral, Norman prays to one of the funeral parlour gods, Ford Focus, who strikes him with a bolt of lightning. He then stubs his toe and passes out. After returning to consciousness, Norman goes onto WikiHow to find a way to un-stub his toe, where he arranges a meeting with an unlicensed medical practitioner named Gary, who fixes his injury. Norman then proceeds to attend the funeral, has a short altercation with a deaf and blind communist grandmother, and then returns home.

Norman explains the history of Jupiter, and how it has become a dumping ground for human waste. He embarks on a trip to the planet after his mother, Dick, accidentally throws away his favourite blue. The Duke of Jupiter, Kerhs, throws a welcome party for their rare visitor, which includes a performance of a spontaneously written song by Elton John, whom the Duke does not like and sends into orbit mid-show. After the short ceremony, Norman mistakenly follows Kerhs to his hut who invites him to sit outside and have tea and smores. Kerhs briefly goes hunting for marshmallows, and then sends Norman out to find some chocolate and biscuits. On his hunting trip, he encounters a peacock seal named Machlah who proceeds to aid Norman in his search. Machlah finds some chocolate hatchings in a tree, but fails to catch Norman's attention and loses him as he is mute. Norman then arrives at a Jewish village, but trips and falls into a well, where he again requests the assistance of Gary through WikiHow. Gary arrives and helps Norman build a ladder out of lemon syrup, up which Norman escapes. Gary stays behind with the ladder, Anthro, who has developed anthropomorphic traits and love for him. Norman enters a supermarket in the village where he is ambushed and kidnapped. He wakes in a room where he attacks the leader and is beaten by the other villagers. Norman runs and, after reassuring himself that Jews cannot climb trees by checking Gary's WikiHow page, climbs a tree to escape his assailants. He finds his lost blue on the treetops, and despite knowing of Kerhs' powers, refuses to continue with his hunt for chocolate and biscuits and returns home instead.

Norman arrives home and discovers that his uncle George has arrived, and explains his backstory involving his cannibalistic murder of his family, trauma he experienced after walking in on his mother's tea party, and the founding and success of his business, 'Mr Seaman's Sea Supplies'. Norman greets his uncle and meets his friend, Wop, an Italian whale whom he had recently caught test driving his new fishing net. The backstory of Wop and his pet dog, Dog, and Dog's pet dust particle Leonard. Leonard was the husband of Norman's aunt Susan, and the father of their three children Red, Ted, and Gayness. A lot of confusing stuff is also explained which can not possibly be better explained, but eventually Wop is established to be having an epileptic seizure. During it, he flops on several objects and people including a police officer and Norman's car. Wop then flops on George, who in anger throws him at a cat sitting on Norman's neighbour's fence, and they proceed to visit the neighbour's house to apologise. George and Wop console the neighbour, Anüs, by inviting her on their four night sexual ritual at the McFinger's house. During the ritual, they worship Lovadubdub, the Indian sex god. Lovadubdub's brief backstory is explained in which it is said that his wife, Lovadubina, is having an affair with a gardener. George, Wop, and Anüs take Lovadubdub on a trip to the Coca-Cola Trail from Japan to Blueland. After this, the god blesses the three after Wop threatens him at gunpoint, and they disband. Anüs travels back to her native land of Belgium, where she is beaten to death after refusing to dispose of her plastic water bottle, and George leaves the McFinger residence for his lighthouse. Wop decides to stay with Norman, their bond inevitable due to their recent conjunction in a pool of glue. Finally, Barack Obama announces his engagement to Dick.

Characters
Norman McFinger - Main protagonist and narrator.

Time - A deity who embodies the properties of the indefinite continued progress of existence.

Lionel - An omnipresent overlord who watches over all of time and space.

Darren - An alphabet collector and street violinist who has recently become a millionaire.

Tymothi - A fruit caterer who is married to his name badge, Smulp.

Smulp/Veronica - Tymothi's name badge and wife, whose evil spirit later haunts the party.

Ølasodurf - A Norwegian hall guardian who occupies and confronts trespassers of a funeral parlour.

Gary - An unlicensed medical practitioner and illegible WikiHow advice writer.

Ford Focus - One of five funeral parlour gods, known for his short temper.

Herbert - A priest who serves as the funeral director at Tymothi's funeral.

Dick McFinger - Norman's mother.

Elton John - An English pop and rock singer, pianist, and songwriter.

Kerhs - The 89th and incumbent Duke of Jupiter and an amateur hunter.

Adam Sandler - Kerhs' father, the 88th Duke of Jupiter.

Machlah - A mute peacock seal who lived in the forests of Jupiter.

Anthro - An anthropomorphic lemon syrup ladder who falls in love with her builder, Gary.

Uncle George - Norman's uncle, founder and owner of 'Mr Seaman's Sea Supplies'.

Nan McFinger - Norman's grandmother.

Wop - George's pet whale.

Dog - Wop's pet dog.

Leonard - Dog's pet dust particle.

Aunt Susan - Norman's aunt, a retired sumo wrestler and entrepreneur.

Red, Ted, and Gayness - Leonard and Susan's children.

Jemima - Gayness's wife.

Aunt Jaranah - Norman's aunt, who has Psychedelic Wolf Syndrome.

Anüs Schvaginal - A Belgian cat lover and friend of George and Wop.

Lovadubdub - An Indian sex god.

Lovadubina - Lovadubdub's unfaithful wife.

Leaf Blower Mullet Man - A community lawnmower with whom Lovadubina has an affair.

Sbeve McDonald - A tourism critic, journalist, and restauranteur.

Barack Obama - US Democratic statesman, 44th president of the US from 2009 to 2017, Dick's fiancé.

Trivia

 * The opening page references the fake Coca-Cola advertisement at the end of Norman McFinger II: The Adventure Continues, referencing the misconception of it as a form of encouragement for orgies.
 * When talking about how he received his invitation to Tymothi's funeral, Norman indirectly mentions the Charles Dickens novel Our Mutual Friend, which bears some similarities to the Norman McFinger book series.